Calculative

No matter how much I gave all the while,
I will never get back what I'd given.
In terms of heart, times, energy, money and ETCs...
Never!

Ya, I know I shouldn't be so calculative.
Now, I slowly realize that I must be protective to myself.
Not to say that I have to be 'instant' instead of calculative.
At least I must have limits and boundaries to things which are not important to me.

Relevant or not,
that's what I feel, my point of view...
=)

Changes, always...

Starting to avoid myself in certain circles..
Many things change as time passes through,
although all happened very current,
but some are still remain the same.

I have the power to choose,
to be or not to be, to do or not to do...
I'm just too used to this 'current' life,
Well, everything have to be in order.
REARRANGE!!!

Rainbow

After rains, there will be rainbow appear.
I have to stand back from every falls.
Just a short post to motivate me and everyone.

Anyway, happy one years old birthday to my youngest nephew, Brannon.
I know if the gift to u divided by 2, isn't sounds great.
It's just a small gift from me n my beloved,
hope that amount of numbers will become true to u, god bless. :)

Failure

Everything seemed very fine today.
As planned, my sport spirit is still bright n shine through the weekend.
My plan for today,
badminton, birthday celebration, basketball.

Everything turned bad in a sudden when I received one message from my sister.
A total of 6 message in one.
I felt so guilty, sad, emotionless...
I just cant control myself,
these horrible mood had successfully hidden inside my inner part of me.
Another face of my turned out in order to entertained everyone surrounding me.

As I sweat n sweat n sweat,
and time goes on...
My brain just cant stop thinking bout the message.
"Am I that ego? Am I a failure?"
There, I asked myself again.
Yes, I admit, there's nothing to blame on,
I'm just a true failure...

The principle I'm holding now, that used to be rational n strong.
No longer on the right track,
I'm over, it's out of range.
What consumed me??
Again, I have to say, I a failure to everyone!!!

I tried to make myself tired to the maximum, I sport non-stop.
Until now, lock myself in my room, lying on the bed, escaped from everything.
Music calms me down..

What should I need to do??
Do I need to be an ordinary me, like last time.
Instead of filling my life with 'colours'??

Questions

What's the matter?
What's going on??
What's wrong???

What the HELL...

Am I different than the one I used to be last time?
Am I on the right track?

No answer, no solution, perhaps BLANK.
Like swinging in a cycle.
One word describe this feeling, DAMN!!!