New Year Eve

2011 is about to end, this year is really a suck'ish' year...

Seriously, I dislike what I'd done and what I'd faced this year...

I committed tons of wrong and mistake,

I'm such a failure, filled with lots of guilt.

Especially to the one who love me the most.

Last night, not a good night,

Brother's car got broke mirror,

everything stolen...

Couldn't blame anyone, we just can face what will happen in the future,

as well as learn from mistakes.

I hope, next year will be a good year.

FIGHT

Learn to say no and ignore,
it's for my own good :))
Thanks, I learn something today...
I'll keep it in my mind

The war starts today,
1st paper, PA, not easy, not hard, time problem :((
I tot the paper is on Tuesday.
Thank you again, for reminding me the exam is on Monday instead of Tuesday.
Managed to pick up some time to prepare for that paper, phew..

Questions to myself again, am I talking straight forward again?
Is that good or bad?
I was just trying to advice and that's my way of speaking..
It seemed not working and make the condition become worst.
Sometimes, I will think in such way,
"I gave u a big influence in ur life, but not making ur life better."
Btw, it's 1001...

Many things pops out in my head,
I hope everything is under control.
Cheers, fight till the end...

Very Soon

There goes, have to visit blogger for another time...
I'm considered in an exhausted level?
Today, I received all the bless from all my teachers n fellow students.
it's a day that I used to drop my tears during my graduation previously.
Fortunately went through it without tears, but full of memories behind.
After all, being in secondary school is not that bad...

Thanks to all of you who has been with me during my form 6 life in school.
Especially my class, and also those who raise up my 'lamer' mood all the time...
Though studying in form 6 = no life for my first define.
With u all, form 6 = rawks!!!
And, it was my 1st live Aluba in my life

Being stressful of the coming period.
everything I'd gone through, there's no turning back.
I have to overcome it without any regret.
Saying is easy, but to accomplish it is HARD!

I wonder, how do we define 'Thanks'?
I mean as in all cases.
Whatever I do, I will be thanked by others..
Not demanding much,
I just keep on listening that very frequently from others @@

Another question to myself,
am I being too straight forward?
I feel like I'm a sharp spear...

STPM, please bring me luck!

Around The Corner

Being one and a half year in Form 6,
and now STPM is around the corner.
I'm not confident, not well prepared.
In conclusion, I'm scared...

It has been 6 and a half year studied in secondary school.
Yea, school life with school uniform and SHORT hair,
comes to an end...
During this last week before STPM starts,
I realize that I actually miss the moment being in secondary school.
However, I have to move forward to face the exam.
After this, I have to face a new journey of my life.
Goodbye soon secondary high school :)))

I always have a question in my mind,
have you ever try to eat a bowl of rice with a cone of ice-cream at the same time?
How will it feel?

Limit

IT is coming very near,

30 more days to go...

Can I make it a success???

As I expected,

everything which have a start will come to the end.

There is a limit, sorry...

I just noticed during this 2 years,

I had past most of my time at outside.

I dint take good care of myself, didn't I?

Everyday asking myself,

is that good or shall I take a break?

Very confusing though..

Hmmmm,

Being dependent, not being dependent..

It that related to me, to your own self, or both?

I dont understand...

Problems & problems

For me, having one burden with me is a small matter..

When this burden double up,
it become heavier, more hateful, stress!

Everything keep rushing to me,
problems by problems..

I have to find solutions to solve it,
or else i'll be dead..
Have to hold on this pain,
no pain, no gain...

FML

Come on,
dont be so money matter...
I'm only 19 years old,
what do u wanna expect from me??

Every time I tried to open my mouth,
I used to think many ways n aiming for a good timing,
just to request something that u should provide,
ESPECIALLY in terms of money.
But end with argue...

Seriously, am I ur burden?
I did my best..

Calculative

No matter how much I gave all the while,
I will never get back what I'd given.
In terms of heart, times, energy, money and ETCs...
Never!

Ya, I know I shouldn't be so calculative.
Now, I slowly realize that I must be protective to myself.
Not to say that I have to be 'instant' instead of calculative.
At least I must have limits and boundaries to things which are not important to me.

Relevant or not,
that's what I feel, my point of view...
=)

Changes, always...

Starting to avoid myself in certain circles..
Many things change as time passes through,
although all happened very current,
but some are still remain the same.

I have the power to choose,
to be or not to be, to do or not to do...
I'm just too used to this 'current' life,
Well, everything have to be in order.
REARRANGE!!!

Rainbow

After rains, there will be rainbow appear.
I have to stand back from every falls.
Just a short post to motivate me and everyone.

Anyway, happy one years old birthday to my youngest nephew, Brannon.
I know if the gift to u divided by 2, isn't sounds great.
It's just a small gift from me n my beloved,
hope that amount of numbers will become true to u, god bless. :)

Failure

Everything seemed very fine today.
As planned, my sport spirit is still bright n shine through the weekend.
My plan for today,
badminton, birthday celebration, basketball.

Everything turned bad in a sudden when I received one message from my sister.
A total of 6 message in one.
I felt so guilty, sad, emotionless...
I just cant control myself,
these horrible mood had successfully hidden inside my inner part of me.
Another face of my turned out in order to entertained everyone surrounding me.

As I sweat n sweat n sweat,
and time goes on...
My brain just cant stop thinking bout the message.
"Am I that ego? Am I a failure?"
There, I asked myself again.
Yes, I admit, there's nothing to blame on,
I'm just a true failure...

The principle I'm holding now, that used to be rational n strong.
No longer on the right track,
I'm over, it's out of range.
What consumed me??
Again, I have to say, I a failure to everyone!!!

I tried to make myself tired to the maximum, I sport non-stop.
Until now, lock myself in my room, lying on the bed, escaped from everything.
Music calms me down..

What should I need to do??
Do I need to be an ordinary me, like last time.
Instead of filling my life with 'colours'??

Questions

What's the matter?
What's going on??
What's wrong???

What the HELL...

Am I different than the one I used to be last time?
Am I on the right track?

No answer, no solution, perhaps BLANK.
Like swinging in a cycle.
One word describe this feeling, DAMN!!!

War Ahead

24th of July, Happy birthday to my sister.. Xoxo!! ><

28th of July, Ahem!!!

Another busy week, always.
Having monthly test for 2 days,
I can see that all my friends are being relax.
It seems that this test give no burden to anyone..

But still, the WAR is coming,
Everyone is waiting for the coming of STPM Percubaan Examination.
The exam which make us filled with fear n stress.
It is not far away from now, we only left one n a half month for this examination.
So are you ready? Perhaps 'Am I ready?'

Not Good After All

All the while,
I have never been a good person.
Im not good to everything, and everyone.
Perhaps a half filled pail, an half boiled egg..
This situation, worst than being raw n well done.

All my thoughts,
being positive, tolerant, responsibility, neither patient,.
Is that all bullshyt?
Is it my problem?
Or is it what my thoughts are giving excuses to my own??

Im sick, tired, with full of stress..
Life is hard..

Kampar Trip

Well,

This is my first time travel with my brothers to KAMPAR, PERAK.

Our most distance trip ever!
It took us approximately 2 hours to reach there..

Our objective is to give Alex a birthday surprise :S

His birthday drops on next week, unfortunately all of us are busy on that week.

So, we decided to celebrate birthday with him in advance XD

Numbers of plan n meeting we had before this trip is on,

He fell on our trick unfortunately.

We went there in tactical way, reach there without his knowing, in cooperative with his GF.

At last, we succeed XD

He got shocked by our toilet approach,
we sang birthday song to him, I could see how happy he is at that time.
Without thinking much,
we went to pub n have some beer as well as the cake!
After that, straight to 'lob-lob', pool, mamak, then we call it a day.
3 of us took turns to have our bath,
after bath straight away we fainted on the bed.
Unfortunately, alex couldn't join us because his room is too packed.
He also have to accompany his WIFE to sleep as well.
Tooo bad for u :S

Lets talk about day 2,
woke up, have brunch at one of the famous mamak stall in Kampar.
It called Restoran Maha Maju (24hrs), known with 99 types of ROTI.
After brunch, straight away we move to the next destination, which is IPOH.
That Jusco shopping mall over there not big,
but filled with cars n people..
We are planning for movie actually,
since the ticket are almost sold out,
so we decided to go for Plan B, karaoke season..
Our dinner were buffet steamboat, a satisfied one, following by CC season.
After that, lets GET DRUNK!!

Few of us got drunk on that night,
splitting lots of nonsense,
reach back to Kampar around 6am, really awesome!
Next afternoon, we went for lunch before we go back.
And there we are, sayorana Kampar!!!

Videos are taken,
will be post in youtube..
so be patient!!! :))

Well..

I really don't know what happened,
No matter what, in friendship, I'm used to it..
I'm used to face this matter,
which are friends come n go,
Sometimes, u have to pay to learn something,
either in terms of money or sensation.
This week I guess, I'd learned something,
not much and not less..
Anyway, thank you...

This would be the last night I'm staying so late in the middle of night.
Goodbye nightmare..
After rain falls, there will be a clear n beautiful day..
I just have to wish, good luck to you and to all...

Being Ideal

I am a bad manager for my life.
I am a bad time planner, I dont distribute my time well.
Not even the time for me to sleep.
Everything is not well plan.
Everything seems just not enough, not balance...
Well, FML...

So tell me, what can I do to be a better person?

Assumption consume mind,
therefore judgements are usually made according to our prediction and feelings.
I wonder how could we make judgement without any prove?
Shall I compare? Or shall I debate??

Everyone's life is different, neither their expectation.
I have larger wings and bigger rounds,
I wont be totally perfect in certain expectation.
But, I will only try my best to achieve it...
I'm sorry, if I failed to do so.

I'm not the ideal one...

Still Great..

I just think too much..

Everything is normal though..

Spent my time with bros these 2 days.

Overnight.. Yeah~ we called it "brothers reunion".

Every reunion of us,

we will hear different stories and changes.

However, it's good to see everyone of us are still in good condition.

Pray hard for u all...

I'm wondering,

beside cyber cafe, pool, yum cha, staying overnight which we used to do.

What else can we do?

Perhaps FISHING? LOL?!

End of the stories..

Well, coming up next,

Later me, Sean n Ken will drive along the K.L (loong gai)

Maybe around PJ or Subang area???

Hmm..

I think i'm lost, I need some direction.. :((

Previously

Couldn't get myself sleep..
Guess, I have to share my feeling out again.

Haha, I read back most of my previous post,
with the playlist album in my blog (which I selected) along..
Reminds me lots of thing.. Just nice..

LOL?

A Solution Of Being Positive

Recently,
I found that I get frustrated easily.
I would ask myself,
am I suffering from mental sickness?
Is it because of Stress?

Listening to music now with my stereo speaker,
locking myself inside my room n dealing with my laptop.
Suddenly reflected what my dad lectured me just now,
I'm asking myself,
am I really have no target in my life? no aim? restless?
what I'm doing now, is not on the right track/way?
Outing more than staying at home, good or bad?
His word makes me feel like I'm like a dead soul without direction, floating..

Sometimes,
I just dont know how to describe this kind of feeling.
It's hard for me to convert my feeling into verbal form.
So it will only hide inside myself, digest it all my own..
Families matter,
every family do have..
I do facing it, I belief everyone does.
It's complicated..


Be positive, yes I know the way of being positive..
But there is not solution for what I'm facing now.
In conclusion, no relief..
However, one thing I felt most relief is,
I have what others don't have although they have what I don't have.
I just have to appreciate it,
that's why I'm making this post.

About my family matter,
No matter now worst my condition is,
I do belief that there is always existence of LOVE.
same goes to my beloved.

Rains will come n go,
as well as the sunny day.
Even the four seasons are taking turns also.
Believe in something which are strong and positive,
take that belief as a foundation or a base,
so that we will be strong enough to handle problems.
I do believe in LOVE..
Do you??

Leadership Camp

Last Sunday I have so call 'leadership' camp in school for 2 days 1 night.
This is the 1st camp in my form 6 life n also the last one in my secondary school I guess.
Me n my friends have been separated into other groups,
and my group, SUCKS!!

Went to the school in da early morning with half dead situation,
because I only slept for less than 2 hours.
On the second day, I never sleep!!

My leader = Totally useless..
My team-mate = Junior ( Don't know anything )
Walao-eh, really smash head..

However, I enjoyed the time with the form six gang..
The moment in toilet, played with waters with our underwear..
In camp, with all the minyak angin smells
The whole night we spend at the side of the stage,
the place we had fart n burk competition until 2 teachers ran away from us,
the place we play chor dai dee n makan together
the place we get frustrated with the mosquitoes,
and also the place we took videos of other sleeping XD
We Rawks the camp..

When the last day,
we had cooking competition,
tell u what, the tools prepared are not enough for my team..
my leader went home early, one of our member went home also.
No one knows how to start a fire naturally,
no one knows how to handle a fire,
I do almost everything my own..
Gosh..
But at last, we finished everything..

I would call that a form six camp than a 'leadership' camp..
My dear school, I think that having a form six camp would be much more better..

A Message To Friends

I've gone through few blogs...
It gave me the passion to make this post..

Recently, I can feel that friends around me are changing.
Of course la, people sure will change de ma...
Some remains, some gone,
some getting better, some got strained.
My conclusion is, it's normal...

Though, my relationship with Sharon is getting better..
Thanks god!
Not to share, not to show off,
Just to prove that love is long term n friends comes n goes...

What makes me feel disappointed is,
my friends who used to be close always, our relationship got strained.
Or maybe he/she was being busy all the time??
No idea..

Anyway, all the best to all of u...
May wish comes true and everything go smooth..

Something Hidden In My Heart

It's midnight now, I couldn't get my self to sleep.
Lying on the bed, feel like wanna blog now.

I felt that, everyone dislike me, sometimes..
Am I that bad??
I might think too much, but that's what comes in my mind.
Everything seems not balance to me..

Mid year exam is coming,
positively, i'm half realy!!
negatively, i feel like i could not score well!!
I dint really put lots of effort in this exam..
What am I doing? What am I thinking?!

Time is very limit,
satisfaction is unlimited..
Everything seems incomplete for me,
perhaps, it's not under my estimation..
There's a space in my heart,
what is it??

Alright, then I will spend whole night searching for it..